I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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