Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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