And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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