It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
