Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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