omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
