I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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