My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
