Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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