He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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