nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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