We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.