He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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