Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

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  (703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw
  Replies (18) Good night (6393) Bad night (767)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker

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  (330): She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker http://tfl.nu/3dfg
  Replies (36) Good night (891) Bad night (5375)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.

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  (615): I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women. http://tfl.nu/xpcj
  Replies (8) Good night (3301) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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  (618): This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape. http://tfl.nu/eyxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1750) Bad night (4745)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

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  (347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54
  Replies (15) Good night (2641) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.

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  (+44): There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it. http://tfl.nu/t5pt
  Replies (7) Good night (3338) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  All I want is tacobeell and your body

  (1-925): View more from California

  that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

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  (925): All I want is tacobeell and your body (1-925): that's my favorite sentence you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/3boc
  Replies (8) Good night (3003) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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  (316): This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python. http://tfl.nu/dk7h
  Replies (20) Good night (2577) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

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  (832): god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink. http://tfl.nu/rrfd
  Replies (2) Good night (1238) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.

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  (605): I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become. http://tfl.nu/axq7
  Replies (4) Good night (1195) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.

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  (318): PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/g9pr
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby

  (1+61): View more from

  Yah. Thai people are way too trusting

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  (+61): It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby (1+61): Yah. Thai people are way too trusting http://tfl.nu/j4hl
  Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face

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  (864): I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face http://tfl.nu/2gbk
  Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick

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  (508): He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick http://tfl.nu/aj8w
  Replies (6) Good night (696) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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  (917): I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart. http://tfl.nu/eru1
  Replies (1) Good night (1172) Bad night (347)

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