Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.

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  (323): that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill. http://tfl.nu/xwdt
  Replies (3) Good night (1228) Bad night (532)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2094) Bad night (549)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".

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  (403): I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby". http://tfl.nu/2blo
  Replies (49) Good night (611) Bad night (3374)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

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  (802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p
  Replies (14) Good night (5732) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (891) Bad night (3811)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you didn't get her number why?

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  (724): So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends. (1-724): you didn't get her number why? http://tfl.nu/gt6x
  Replies (7) Good night (2796) Bad night (1528)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.

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  (819): We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive. http://tfl.nu/7d2g
  Replies (20) Good night (4398) Bad night (944)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

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  (606): VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS http://tfl.nu/8cgs
  Replies (3) Good night (2370) Bad night (686)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?

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  (407): We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/1efu
  Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (876)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  We are the best.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ps. We need to take the garbage out.

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  (250): Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job. (1-250): We are the best. (250): Ps. We need to take the garbage out. http://tfl.nu/i0yw
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (404)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair

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  (+61): I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair http://tfl.nu/4pnl
  Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (783)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?

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  (701): Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub? http://tfl.nu/kxla
  Replies (6) Good night (865) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico

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  (651): Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico http://tfl.nu/a33d
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (242)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.

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  (309): I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne. http://tfl.nu/l6oj
  Replies (2) Good night (317) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.

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  (905): Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar. http://tfl.nu/gbhh
  Replies (3) Good night (402) Bad night (242)

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