Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
