The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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