If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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