When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
