Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
