nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
