Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
