That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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