u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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