I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
