I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
