In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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