She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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