Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
