I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
