I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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