i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
