Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
