if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize