Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
