it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
