I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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