Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
