god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
