I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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