I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
