oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
