My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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