happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
