He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
