its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
