I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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