I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
