Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
