All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my shit smells like andre
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
