I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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