My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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