k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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