girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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