he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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