At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
