I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
