I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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