i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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