this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
