sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
