She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
