ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
