They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
