I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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