My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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