dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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