In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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