oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
