She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
