apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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