Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
