This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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