Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
