When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
