that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize