My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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