I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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