On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
