he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
