Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
