I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
