I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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