yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
