you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
